... SPIRITUALITY vs REALITY...

Greetings Blogfam! How are you feeling? I missed Church AGAIN today *rolls eyes*... and no matter how much I try to convince myself that it is acceptable, I still feel that slight pang of guilt. Not the kind of guilt imposed on me from 'Church Folk' scattered amongst the congregation when I attend the following week, but the self-imposed guilt I feel that I have somehow denied myself my dose of positivity and purposeful message to carry with me through the week. These thoughts have once again stirred up my struggles with my Christian faith...


In the summer of 2009 the Youth Department at my Church organised an event called 'Identity' which in essence, focused on the struggle that young people came across in relation to their faith, culture, upbringing and social interactions amongst other things. I hadn't been to Church for maybe three weeks before then. I received a phone call from a Youth leader on a Wednesday or Thursday. She knew that I wrote poetry and asked if I would be able to perform a piece for the show that Sunday... I was in hospital at the time for treatment and needless to say that I was at a low point. I explained to her that I was lying on a hospital bed as I was speaking to her, but if I was to be discharged before then, I would be happy to perform.

Now as bizarre as this may seem, I saw this phone call as the light at the end of the tunnel... by this time I had been in and out of hospital for about two years, and as well as being physically drained, my enthusiasm and faith in God was at an all time low. But performing a poetry piece would allow me to vent my frustrations by channelling them into a poem, and perhaps others would be able to identify with my story. It would also be my first real poetry performance since university and I hoped that doing so would kick start my now dormant passion for writing ... I sat up in my hospital bed, scrambled in my overnight bag for a pen and paper, and began to write...

Do you remember the amount of times you would watch a cartoon or television program as a child, to see a character struggling to make a decision - then suddenly a devil would appear on one shoulder, and an angel on the other?? Well I do... and if I’m honest I experience this from time to time. Self-doubt, lack of faith, inconsistency, illness... all these ingredients are a recipe for disaster. Another vital ingredient is the hypocritical, judgemental 'Church Folk'. Many people have been put off Church or driven away for fear of being judged...people should be embraced and nurtured irregardless of circumstances. Here was my chance to communicate my experiences in front of the Church, and remind people how difficult it is to remain faithful and spritually intact when the world threatens to knock you down.

The following poem is the result of that phone call, and the voice that often tries to discourage me and questions my IDENTITY...


IDENTITY

So you ask me…… Who Am I?
WHO AM I??...... Who AM I?
Who are YOU? Who are WE?
I mean us, I mean…… I mean …… me.
You see, I deny any similarity I see in your eyes
That factualises our connection
Any glimmer of an actual reflection of me that I see
When my brother or sister indulge in taboo activity

You see, I’m a CHRISTIAN
So Jesus lives in me
Which leaves no room for imperfection
No new fangled technological method of detection can fault ME
No summoned demon can spiritually assault ME
I’ve been claimed by the FATHER, my rightful owner
I’m taken…… so unfortunately,
The answer is “no deal”…… Satan.

Me? Satan? Oh no, no my friend, you must be mistaken
I am merely here to bring alleviation from your current situation
You see, I have heard your cries of desperation at nightfall
When your so-called “Father” doesn’t answer your distressed call.
All in all…… I am the solution to your problem
The answer to your question…… I am your reflection
I am you, you are me…… I am your identity.


You see, Christianity is merely a distraction from reality
“Things To Do” and tick of the list
As they are carried out religiously and ritualistically
You see, Christianity is no doubt about
Attending Church maybe…… twice weekly
Giving a scream or a shout if you feel you are praying too meekly
Worried that you praise lacks “Christian” authenticity
And will be transparent for all to see.

No, no, you are wrong, it CAN’T be
Perhaps you missed my point…… so listen:
Who am I? I, am a CHRISTIAN
Sanctified and holy, that’s me(!)
You see, Christianity is no doubt about attending Church
But it’s to establish a spiritual community here on Earth.
We support each other, offer praise to thee
We pray for one another…… ahem… ummm… bear with me

My child, don’t bother…… Can’t you see??
Church is merely a formality
Let me demonstrate hoe irrelevant it is to me:
Brother Samson has been battling drug addiction
Sister Susan is single, yet she is happily fornicating
Don’t let me even start on the so-called Christian marriages
That are so easily torn apart…… and YOU?
What burdens your heart??
I already know, its SICKNESSS
It sprung up on you very suddenly, This, weaknessss
Despite praying faithfully
You are still in distress
You are damaged goods, you are USELESSS
God can’t possibly use you
If He has pre-assigned you to illness
So More. Fool. You.
I thought you were blessed??
For all your prayer, meditation and dedication
You are rewarded with illness and lifelong medication
What an ABOMINATION(!)


So TELL ME now my child……
Who are you? What is your identity? What is it to be?
Dedicating your life to a Father
Who would rather you suffer than be free?
…… or the easy option……
Just sign on the dotted line…… and follow me……




Please leave comments! Be blessed